What foods would you like to make?
Letting some sliced chicken breast soak until it is tender that it melts in your mouth. And doing some steamed white rice with soy sauce and steaming broccoli.
Honesty is Key
Personal experience that life has offered. I would love to be able to create a safe family place here for everyone to open up free
recent posts
about
-
-
Good morning family the early bird does receive the worm. In this instance for me anyways getting up early and staying awake for the day makes me feel better even though I go to sleep earlier. Little man is awake now too which means he will sleep through the night again. So happy for being able to have a decent routine back. It is a nice thing to be able to have a routine down when you have a young kiddo. I know he is school ready and he has been in school before and he loved it and learned a lot. Im just a nervous wreck with him going back. all the things going on with schools now a days it’s everywhere. Even homeschooling is great if you can find groups with home schoolers in your area.
We made some breakfast this morning, he wanted eggs and chocolate milk. Im so excited he woke up and wanted to eat off the bat. he woke up due to the rain waking him up. Going to have to try and get some laundry done here in a bit when it quits raining. Im super excited about today I still have a few symptoms from withdrawals but its been a week as of Wednesday of last week. Now it goes day to day. Im just happy and blessed we have another day.
As for a little about going back to the beginning. My relationship with my fiancé that started it was in 2014 when I worked with him it was on and off till 2020 when he proposed in March. I was tired of my job interfering with my home life. I was a correctional officer for over a year. I followed my heart and moved in with him again. Most relationships arent easy but we tend to manage them well. He passed in August of 2020 and that’s when my life fell apart. People said they were family when they really weren’t. His funeral was in September when I had my second miscarriage with him. It was hard grieving both passings and then I set cameras back up. I wanted to know what was going on in the apartment we lived together in. I saw in one of the videos the camera took where he was sitting on the edge of the bed with his head down in disappointment. He passed while I was at my moms he was supposed to come with me but he said he had to work. He decided to stay home and he passed of fentanyl toxicity. It has become a little easier to talk about the more I have talked about it.
-
Received a PINCHME box and will be doing an unboxing on TikTok shortly. Then it’ll be time to take medicine and get little man in the bath then we’ll be off to bed. We’re working on getting back into a sleep routine instead of staying up at the wee hours of the night. Little man is asleep now so I have a little bit of time to get myself in gear. No tv tonight just music now. Music blocks all the outside sound out when he’s sleeping so that he doesn’t have to listen to it while sleeping some song I have on repeat for awhile. it just helps me focus better. I would like y’all to know being positive is the way to be and have positive people the ones that bring you up and not down. You know the ones that keep you up in a better mood and just always positive. Those are the ones to keep around at your table. For me it has drastically kept me busy and positive while going through the withdrawals. It is easy to cut the ones that need to be kicked out, deleted from your phone and just completely removed. It maybe easier said than done. It has had a major affect with the way I view things now. My sanity and peace of mind is everything for me and my son. Just when you sit down to eat bring the ones with the positivity. If not the table falls apart then you take another look and see exactly who’s doing it. Well everyone have an amazing night tonight. Please don’t hesitate to reach out to my personal email. It’s on my about me page.
-
Waking up everyday is a major blessing. Im still going through some partial withdrawls. I am still dealing with the migraines, currently still itchy a bit, a little bit of nausea, and pain throughout my body. It is still a process to go day to day and everyday is different. Little man and I have had a great day today thus far. Last night we went and spent some time at two different parks that werent very far from eachother. Each park had different equipment. The first one had some swings, a rock climbing area (the rocks were on a curved area metal piece), there are things where you stand on the platform and hold onto a wheel and both of them spin, a little zebra on a spring, another little climbing area, then last but not least it had a splash pad. The second playground had slides, tunnels, monkey bars and a little girl that allowed little man on her motorized trike. They took it around the sidewalks together. She wasnt much older than little man but he loved being able to spend some time with someone his age. Thinking about going to this other park at some point today that has more and different equiptment. I have never been there personally so another little adventure.
Sunday, we spent some time with family at the river or did until it started being turd floating weather. He absolutly loves spending time with family and being able to see good men figures in his life. From day to day activities his favorite is to go swimming. When hes in the water he swims like a fish.
-
We’ll start with the one I received today. It says “overthinking is paying for a debt you don’t owe and a situation you didn’t buy”. This one hits a bit close to home and it favors my overthinking. People that have put me in situations that I have to overthink on I don’t need that person in my life. It takes away from my peace of mind and mental health. In my situation the people that had me overthinking and that I wasn’t enough, I got tired of it. You know I cut those people out and I feel so much better not as drained because overthinking is something I don’t do anymore. If I find myself overthinking I make sure I nip it in the butt and get my inner peace back.
The second is “some days will be easier than others what matters is you show up anyways”. For me in this aspect is that no matter what you maybe going through tomorrow is a brand new day. It’s a new page that hasn’t been written yet. Depending on how you wake up and what mindset you have depends on how your day goes.
Third one “what you settle for today will be your standard for tomorrow”. This one I feel sets in with the last quote a bit too. Never settle always set goals even when they are small goals. Reach for the stars even when they are out of reach and push yourself a little bit each day.
This one will be the last for this post. “Balance isn’t just about maintaining internal and external equilibrium. It’s about mind, heart, body, and soul”. Anything that makes my soul, body, heart, and mind hurt I just let it go. Forgiveness is one of the most important parts of this with me because like I’ve said in previous posts is that you won’t forget but you can always forgive that’s the best part of life.
We will be going on a few mini adventures today. Starting with getting up and getting dressed. Little man is giving me crap I told him let’s get dressed he tells me you can’t catch me. It’ll be an amazing day today. I can’t wait. Have a great day today everyone.
-
Good morning family! I hope eveyone slept well and had amazing rest. Little man is still sleeping at the moment so it gives me a little bit to catch up with everyone. I have slowly learned that forgetting is not a thing for me. I remeber quite a bit but there are still some blurry spots in my past that were times that were so bad they they have been blocked out. The more I am able to put down and express the more things aren’t so blurry. It has helped me come to a new understanding of life on my end. Forgetting and forgivness is normally hand in hand. If we forgive though its quite a bit hard sometimes but it does take a lot off your shoulders when you forgive and let yourself have the feeling of peace of mind and quite a bit off your heart, head, and shoulders. It just takes the weight off for me anyways. It has taken me years to realize and come to that understanding. I know its different for everyone, but when we have a good positive support system it makes it so much easier. If yall need me i check my email multiple times a day. Or just drop a comment.
-
It is a great afternoon I have found myself in a fortune cookie. “In finding happiness for others, you’ll likely find it for yourself.” This is a very interesting fortune to say the least. Everyone may take this differently but my thoughts on it is that helping others with their happiness that you will stumble upon it yourself. Comment and tell me the thoughts y’all have on this fortune.
-
Yesterday was a little hectic and we have been going to sleep early. It has been adventure after adventure everyday. Little man slept fully through the night last night even though he was turning circles in the bed all night. I woke up a few times with his feet in my face then in my ribs.
The night before I had a nightmare about some wasps coming after me not exactly sure what that had to do with things going on except for being allergic. With going through the withdrawal process of being on the prescription medication maybe it had to do with coming off the medication and itching all over. I’m hoping that is the connection.
This morning seems like my brain is a bit all over the place. I had plans yesterday but they didn’t come through so me and little man relaxed a bit and watched Bluey. We went to bed pretty early or at least he did. He fell asleep at like 20:00 and I wasn’t far being trying to stay awake. I had started a new entry last night but it didn’t make it that far in.
All our puppies were in the bed with us last night, they all cuddled with little man. I watched a little bit of The Bear before falling asleep. Today has been not so productive of a day thus far. I think we will go venture out shortly and keep things up to date. I also added my email to my about me page if anyone needs to vent or just have a conversation.
Most withdrawals are from street drugs or at least they are the ones you always hear about. Its not true but the struggle with the withdrawals no matter what it is from are always going to get bad before they get better. I wish that more people were understanding before they jump to conclusions before judging a book by its cover. This all has helped me have more of an understanding of what my fiancé had been through. His was from street drugs but I was always there I was his rock and stayed. But as for now if anyone happens to have any questions don’t hesitate to ask through comments or through email.
Im hoping that I can help with people that maybe struggling with things in life. Life tends to throw us curve balls that we are not expecting. We get through it though it maybe hard and very messy with emotions. I have learned that its not all about the way I feel when it comes to being a single parent. Its little man and I against the world. I am very blessed to have him and our kids don’t have endless time with us and they grow up so quickly time just flies by. I feel like there is never enough time in the world. Anything could happen in the blink of an eye. I hope everyone has an amazing day.
To the over thinkers most of the time when you are overthinking things more than likely its because you have a gut feeling that is right. when you are at peace though you are able to shut your mind down easier and rest better. Don’t let anyone take away your inner peace or your mental away from your goals. Set daily goals that you would like to reach and it maybe just simple steps like getting out of bed for the day, brushing your teeth or hair. The little things help quite a bit honestly.
-
We are checking in on how everyone is doing. We stopped to get some food. Its Chick-fil-A time my best adventures are with my kiddo. He’s a great kid and it seems like time just flies by too quickly. He’s been my blessing all the way around. Little man is so perfect in his own ways. Just wanted to check in with everyone and see how y’all were doing. Our journey for the day hasn’t ended yet there is still a bit of time left in the day. It may not always seem that way but it just takes time to make the important decisions and love the way you spend your time and who you may spend it with. Life is way to short to bite your tongue and not say what’s on your mind. My mindset has been in an overthinking mode but it takes time to be able to help control it. Mind over matter isn’t the easiest but its easier when you surround yourself with positive people that just want what’s best for you and you are the one that chooses who sits at your table. Not always easy to be in a positive mindset when you have major setbacks. Just look at it as a lesson or the end of a page and tomorrow is the new page fresh start. Some people aren’t easy to cut out of your life but its better than just being there for convince for them. In my book all they want is to use you and keep you around for the positivity you hand out.
-
and now he is relaxing a bit before our days journey begins. I have my medicine situated for the week already. Then had to order the ones I am out of so they will be ready by next week and I don’t run out. I am still currently going through the withdraw process with my body when it comes to the medication I was taken off of. You hear stories about addiction from street drugs not really the ones that you are prescribed. I feel like this morning would be a good day to talk about the experience I’ve had tapering off my medication. I feel nauseous constantly, stomach problems (diarrhea), dark stool, migraines worse than normal, walking on glass and pins and needles in my legs and feet. I had been on this medication for years. These new doctors that I have are wanting to slowly take me off my medications. I’ve worked hard to get to where I am at with the pain management that I’ve been dealing with without a pain management doctor. Now that I do have pain management they are and I’m assuming wanting to peel everything off to see where to start with my pain. I see multiple doctors to try and get things settled from a PCP, rheumatologist, GI, neurologist, pain management, spine specialist, and a few others. I try and push through my days as needed so that I can make the most out of them with my son.
He deserves the best version of me. If and when I do break down its after he is in bed asleep. Little man deserves the best that life has to offer even through our roughest times. He has been my blessing, my saving grace, my absolute everything. When my fiancé passed in August of 2020. It about took everything in me to keep going then when I miscarried it made it even harder. Being a mother even though some don’t think of mothers when someone has a miscarriage. That woman is still a mother regardless. Her body has carried that baby for as long as she could. It ripped me apart with every miscarriage I had. My son was my miracle child. I had 3 miscarriages before I went so to say full term. I only carried him for 7 months before my water broke and I had to have an emergency C-section. I went to the hospital that day and they said my water hadn’t broke then tested me again. It tested positive the second time they tested me. They couldn’t find his heartbeat for 10 minutes, as they continued to roll me from side to side my heart was racing. I couldn’t hear my sons heartbeat then they finally found it. We had to wait until we were both stable before they could air-flight us.
When we finally arrived at the hospital with a NICU the air-flight team had just finished with the paperwork and the doctor had come in with two young doctors to learn. He had asked me if it was okay as they watched him do an ultra sound. I told him it was fine I had also told the young doctors I didn’t bite so they could come a bit closer and get a closer view of things. The doctor had put the ultrasound on my son and as soon as he did he told the nurse I needed to go to the OR now. The nurse tried to reassure me everything was fine. As they were taking me back the nurse asked if there was anyone I needed to call I had said my mom. I couldn’t quit crying I was going into emergency surgery and not a clue if we were going to come out of it.
That morning I had went to my dads to see him and I didn’t call and tell him. My older sister came in from Florida and stayed at the hospital with us it was amazing but hard at the same time. I couldn’t even hold him for the first week. I could hold his hand but not much else due to the machines and him having jaundice. That first week was one of the hardest and it made it even harder when they sent me home. He was still in the NICU so I went to see him 2 or 3 times a day so I could sit, hold and feed him. My older sister was able to sit and hold him. She was pregnant with my first niece and she was not having my sister holding him. She would kick him when my sister would hold my son.
I will get back on in a little bit and go over how our day has gone. I want to be able to tell my full story and like to become a part of ya’lls story too if anyone is up for opening up. You don’t have to open up in the comments just let me know if you want to be reached out too. I will be putting my email in my about me if you’d feel more comfortable reaching out that way. As my kiddo says you know what? I say what? he tells me I love you and is so sincere when he tells me.
Honesty is Key 