Honesty is Key

and now he is relaxing a bit before our days journey begins. I have my medicine situated for the week already. Then had to order the ones I am out of so they will be ready by next week and I don’t run out. I am still currently going through the withdraw process with my body when it comes to the medication I was taken off of. You hear stories about addiction from street drugs not really the ones that you are prescribed. I feel like this morning would be a good day to talk about the experience I’ve had tapering off my medication. I feel nauseous constantly, stomach problems (diarrhea), dark stool, migraines worse than normal, walking on glass and pins and needles in my legs and feet. I had been on this medication for years. These new doctors that I have are wanting to slowly take me off my medications. I’ve worked hard to get to where I am at with the pain management that I’ve been dealing with without a pain management doctor. Now that I do have pain management they are and I’m assuming wanting to peel everything off to see where to start with my pain. I see multiple doctors to try and get things settled from a PCP, rheumatologist, GI, neurologist, pain management, spine specialist, and a few others. I try and push through my days as needed so that I can make the most out of them with my son.

He deserves the best version of me. If and when I do break down its after he is in bed asleep. Little man deserves the best that life has to offer even through our roughest times. He has been my blessing, my saving grace, my absolute everything. When my fiancé passed in August of 2020. It about took everything in me to keep going then when I miscarried it made it even harder. Being a mother even though some don’t think of mothers when someone has a miscarriage. That woman is still a mother regardless. Her body has carried that baby for as long as she could. It ripped me apart with every miscarriage I had. My son was my miracle child. I had 3 miscarriages before I went so to say full term. I only carried him for 7 months before my water broke and I had to have an emergency C-section. I went to the hospital that day and they said my water hadn’t broke then tested me again. It tested positive the second time they tested me. They couldn’t find his heartbeat for 10 minutes, as they continued to roll me from side to side my heart was racing. I couldn’t hear my sons heartbeat then they finally found it. We had to wait until we were both stable before they could air-flight us.

When we finally arrived at the hospital with a NICU the air-flight team had just finished with the paperwork and the doctor had come in with two young doctors to learn. He had asked me if it was okay as they watched him do an ultra sound. I told him it was fine I had also told the young doctors I didn’t bite so they could come a bit closer and get a closer view of things. The doctor had put the ultrasound on my son and as soon as he did he told the nurse I needed to go to the OR now. The nurse tried to reassure me everything was fine. As they were taking me back the nurse asked if there was anyone I needed to call I had said my mom. I couldn’t quit crying I was going into emergency surgery and not a clue if we were going to come out of it.

That morning I had went to my dads to see him and I didn’t call and tell him. My older sister came in from Florida and stayed at the hospital with us it was amazing but hard at the same time. I couldn’t even hold him for the first week. I could hold his hand but not much else due to the machines and him having jaundice. That first week was one of the hardest and it made it even harder when they sent me home. He was still in the NICU so I went to see him 2 or 3 times a day so I could sit, hold and feed him. My older sister was able to sit and hold him. She was pregnant with my first niece and she was not having my sister holding him. She would kick him when my sister would hold my son.

I will get back on in a little bit and go over how our day has gone. I want to be able to tell my full story and like to become a part of ya’lls story too if anyone is up for opening up. You don’t have to open up in the comments just let me know if you want to be reached out too. I will be putting my email in my about me if you’d feel more comfortable reaching out that way. As my kiddo says you know what? I say what? he tells me I love you and is so sincere when he tells me.