Honesty is Key

We are getting ready to wind down for the night. Last night, it was just Little Man, his baby chick, and me in bed. Yes, we slept with the baby chick in the bed. He said it was okay because the baby chick was on his side of the bed. When he first got her he named her I don’t know. She comes to her name which is good and he is gentle with her as she is with him. Even with being sick little man just wants to be an amazing kiddo and he knows when I have bad days. He always tells me how much he loves me. He will just look at me, give me hugs, and say how much he loves me. It’s an amazing feeling before they start not liking you as a parent. He is asleep and currently watching The Bear on Hulu. I just heated some brisket and am thinking about the last few nights. Last night was kind of really hard. I cried for a few hours. Just thinking about the past. In August of 2020, I lost my fiancé. I am currently where I was when I lost him. 5 years have gone by and it still takes my breath away. I have panic attacks still just not as bad. He was supposed to come down with me so we could get away for the weekend. It is a bit stressful but it is still in the past. I never used to talk about things and I think it’s time I start to open up slowly. They say that time heals all wounds physically maybe but mentally and emotionally not so much for me. After his funeral, I had a miscarriage. I went to the same hospital that they had taken him to when they had declared him gone. Well, goodnight everyone.